straw house straw dog

I had four dreams in a row where you were burned, about to burn, or still on fire.

proof

maureen 360

pretty sure the paper likeness of jack kerouac is the only man willing to follow me anywhere. at least he has been for five years. i'm still not done, but at least i accomplished something. up next: living room and kitchen!

break the chain

this is night 2 in my new apartment, and its strange to be in such a quiet living space, without people stomping around/playing video games/yelling at each other/breaking things etc. i've barely unpacked anything because this whole 3 hour time difference thing is still messing with my brain and my body is feeling like it's actually 11pm instead of 8. the margarita that i had earlier turned my body into mush almost immediately, so that isn't helping either. i've been wanting to write long long letters to people detailing everything that i'm feeling or ever felt about them, but i can't find any paper. bad excuse. i know. my parents are still here dragging me to tourist things that i'm sure i will go to with people, once i actually meet people, hoping that i do (meet people, that is, that aren't any of the following: weird, boring, lame, mean, too old, pretentious, anything else unpleasant). i have my ta orientation in a week which is relatively terrifying but also exciting. i feel anxious because i'm stuck between two places but when am i not? i keep getting that panicked feeling that i get when a plane takes off, but then a few minutes later i get calm like the kind of calm i get once we get to cruising altitude and i think, well ok, who cares, so what if i die anyway. it's kind of like that, the whole wave of calm, of complete uncaring. either it's false security or actual security, i can't be sure. everything is perfect here except one thing, but that thing belongs in one of those long letters i mentioned that i needed to write, that i probably never will. other than that, i'm unable to understand how i got so lucky, to have this new adult life where i have to pay my rent every month with the money i'm making and check my mailbox with a shiny little key. i still don't feel like an adult, i'm not sure i ever will. i feel like a little kid alone in her parents house about to go jump on the bed because i can and they probably won't ever find out. 

here comes the sun

i saw the sun set once then rise again from the airplane on friday. whoa.